


I’ve Been Broken But I’m Better Everyday

by marinbel



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: M/M, and yes the title is a marianas trench song lyric i love them, i might make this a series I'm not sure yet, implied crushes but they aren't actually together, just a heads up take care, lots of pining tho, slight TW: one mention of homophobia and one mention of transphobia, trans!jay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 07:18:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17956049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marinbel/pseuds/marinbel
Summary: Being a ninja was tough, but being a high schooler was tougher. (High School AU)





	I’ve Been Broken But I’m Better Everyday

**Author's Note:**

> Wow my first fanfic on ao3. I'm getting the hang of this format huh. Anyways, here's a fic I've been working on for the past month or so (and I actually found the beginning from one of my notebooks way back in 2016 wohh). 
> 
> This is supposed to be TV-verse, but they're in high school. Not the movie-verse, just an AU. Just to clarify.
> 
> Also TW: There is one mention of homophobia and one mention of transphobia. Heads up in case that bothers you. Take care.

Jay kneeled in front of the wall in the classroom underneath the whiteboard, a sponge in one hand and a bottle of stain remover in the other. He huffed, "And why do _we_ need to clean the classroom? It isn't even our mess." He began to scrub away at the messy doodles and phallic imagery drawn upon the concrete wall. He groaned as the ink refused to budge.

"We've been late to class so many times I can't even count it anymore. This is our punishment," Cole reminded Jay, glancing down at him as he sprayed the whiteboard with cleaner before wiping it down.

"Well I think it's bullshit," Kai growled, laying on his back as he scraped gum off the bottom of the desks. "We should be thanked for all we do for Ninjago."

"They don't know it's us, remember?" Lloyd added from where he was organizing files alongside Nya.

"And Sensei wants us to keep it that way," Nya piped in.

"Zane's not here," Kai whined, "Lucky him, he gets to class on time. News flash: Robots don't need sleep!"

Lloyd shushed him, "Quiet down, would you?!" He looked to the ajar door where they heard teachers and staff walking to their after school meetings. He turned back to Kai. "The whole world doesn't need to know about Zane's secret, _or_ ours for that matter."

"Don't worry about it," Jay comments light-heartedly. "It's fake news anyways. Zane's not a robot, he's a nindroid."

Kai rolls his eyes at Jay, a soft groan escaping his lips. His attention is back on Lloyd in an instant, amber eyes narrowing. "What do you know? Maybe some of us would appreciate the popularity, huh Golden Boy?"

The room falls into a stiff silence. Some eyes on Kai, some on Jay.

Neither one of them were treated all that kindly at this school, after all. Not even being friends with the school's star soccer player could save their reputation. Sure they were friendly when Lloyd was around, but once the beloved Golden Boy was off to practice, the true faces of the student body were revealed.

And they were not pleasant.

Cole and Nya weren't targeted as much (maybe the fact that they look like they could snap someone in half helps them) so they helped stop the bullying when they were present. They didn't bother with Zane. He wouldn't let the bullying be fun to them. Jay and Kai on the other hand… Sure they were plenty strong (they were _ninja_ for crying out loud) but their appearances deceived those not in their ninja team.

Lloyd's furrowed brow softened with his sigh. He ran a tired hand over his forehead, brushing bangs messily to the side. "Look, I'm sorry, Kai. It's unfair, I totally agree. But it isn't my decision, it's Sensei's. And the best way to keep our families and the people around us safe is to keep our identities hidden from the public."

He feels like he just ran over a puppy's tail when he watches Kai's expression change from bitter to somber. "Whatever. Sorry for bringing it up." He gets up and moves to the next row of desks to scrape.

The ninja leader opens his mouth to say something, _anything_ … Instead his eyes fall downcast and he turns back to tuck a folder into the filing cabinet.

The other three exchange solemn glances before returning to each of their own work.

**...**

4 pm and they were done with their hour-long after school detention. What a grand way to spend their Friday afternoon. Each dawning their coats, scarves, and gloves, they stepped out into the bleary dark blue evening. Only a light periwinkle hue of the remaining sunlight reflected off of the skyscrapers in downtown Ninjago City.

Each waved goodbye and went their separate ways home. Cole and Jay headed for the bus stop, Nya going down the street a few steps before turning back around. Placing her hands on her hips, she quirks an eyebrow up at Kai and Lloyd.

"Are you coming?" Nya calls back.

Kai frowns, going to follow his sister before he feels a gloved hand on his shoulder. "Actually, can… Can we talk?" Hopeful peridots lock Kai in place.

He glances back at Nya. "Go on ahead. I'll meet you home." He practically _hears_ her roll her eyes and watches he stomp down the street. Realizing he's only sealed his fate, he slowly swivels his head back to face the music.

Lloyd hesitates to speak at first. He lets go of Kai's shoulder, his hand awkwardly hovering in the air before he lets out a breath and drops it to his side. He nudges his head in the direction of the stone wall in front of the school. "Sit with me a minute?"

Kai lets Lloyd take the first steps forward before he decides to join. Lloyd effortlessly climbs the planter box to land on the wall and Kai tosses (yeets) his backpack up first to give himself a buffer between him and the icy as hell stone.

When Kai plops down beside Lloyd, he pulls his hood up and synches the strings. He turns his head to peak at the other. "So…"

Lloyd rubs the back of his neck and Kai realizes the blonde didn't prepare anything to say. But the leader gives it his best shot. "So… I'm… I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know what happens to you or Jay when I'm not around. I have no right making it sound like you're just in it for the popularity."

' _Yeah, you don't,'_ Kai wants to spit out, but he remembers his Wednesday evening anger management classes and takes a deep breath instead. "It's fair enough. I know Sensei's real strict about the whole secret identity thing. I shouldn't play with fire more than I'm supposed to." Just to prove his point, he flicks his pointer finger aflame. He's quick to blow it out before someone sees, though.

"It's just…" Lloyd starts out confident but then stalls. "Neither Jay nor you really let any of us know what's been going on. I respect it if you're not comfortable to tell us, but I mean…" He gestures his hands to fill the silence for the moment. "Maybe… Maybe we could do something? To stand up for you guys more… Or, or, confront the issue head on…"

"Issues," Kai clarifies before he realizes he's said it out loud.

Blonde hair whips around as Lloyd turns to face Kai. " _Issues?_ As in, more than one?"

"Well…" Now Kai feels put on the spot. He shoves his hands aggressively into the front pocket on his red hoodie. He hears the taunts in his head.

" _I heard he almost went to juvy when he was 12."_

" _Ew! I heard he likes boys!"_

" _He can't even fight us back. One more outburst and he's expelled for sure."_

He swallows hard. He feels the cold sweat prickle his spine. "It's whatever, really."

"I seriously doubt it's 'whatever'," Lloyd uses his fingers as quotations. "Kai, we've known each other since we were five. I know when you're lying." His voice doesn't waver at all.

Kai clenches his fists until his nails dig into his palms. Lloyd's always read him too well. He turns his eyes out onto the darkening city before them. Street lights one by one are popping on around them, dousing the cold, winter blue with warm, bright orange. "They're just mean kids. Their words don't mean anything to me." He hates the way his voice sounds hoarse. He will _not_ cry in front of Lloyd. "Who cares if they think I'm some delinquent or some aggressive asshole or... or i-if I like dudes…"

He cuts himself off when his voice cracks. He bites his lip, blinking away the hot tears gathering in his eyes.

Lloyd is quiet at first, and Kai's afraid to even look his way. But curiosity wins over and he peaks around his hood to see Lloyd _seething_. "They… they say what now?" He sounds… calm- _ish_ but definitely about to blow a fuse if Kai doesn't choose his next words carefully.

"I mean-"

"I _mean_ …?! Their lousy opinions _stink!_ " Okay, so Lloyd was gonna blow no matter what Kai said. "They don't know you! How much you've worked your ass off to keep a roof over you and your sister's heads after your parents… How you not only have a part time grocery bagger job but also help save their bleeding behinds every other afternoon as the red ninja… You're right, they should be _thankful_ for all you do. You're so hecking amazing, Kai." Lloyd's got that gleam in his eye as he reaches out and grabs onto Kai's forearms, turning his body so they face each other. "Don't let any nobody tell you otherwise!"

The sudden motivational outburst was met with a wisp of wind and silence at first. Kai was processing everything and answered with a genuine smile. The kind that makes his face burn with embarrassment and reveals his chipped canine tooth. He can't help but let out a little laugh.

"Wow… Lloyd that's… Actually incredibly kind of you to say." He feels his heart hammer in his chest with that funny feeling he's had ever since they started high school. "Thank you."

Maybe Lloyd feels it too because his cheek become a dusty pink and he lets go of Kai's arms. He cheekily smiles at the brunette. "Heh… No problem. If they think they can mess with one of us, they get all of us close behind."

Kai snorts, but he knows it's 100% true. He hops down off the wall, reaching back to grab his backpack and slings it over his shoulder. "Got that right. Ya hear him, Ninjago High?!" he shouts back to the school and this time Lloyd laughs.

The blonde joins him down back onto the planter and then to the sidewalk. They start their trek home, side by side, when Lloyd speaks up again. "Besides, if those homophobic germs ever give you trouble, let 'em know the star soccer player is Gay and Proud(TM). Proud to readily kick their asses back to the dark ages."

"Nice of you to offer. I'm sure you actually could," Kai snickers and Lloyd responds with a fist pump and a 'got that right!'

Feeling a lot better than he did that afternoon, Kai easily falls back into friendly chatter with his best friend.

**...**

"Geez, I hope Kai's feeling better tomorrow for patrol," Jay mutters, gripping onto his backpack straps as he falls in step alongside Cole.

"He's seemed… A little high-strung these days," Cole agrees. "Granted, we _have_ had a busy week, both in school and after."

Humming, Jay leans over to knock on one of the trees lining the sidewalk. "Knock on wood, I hope it stays as peaceful as it has been today, at least for our after school activities. I'm plum-tuckered out."

Cole snorts, raising an eyebrow at Jay's word choice. "Plum-tuckered?" It earns him a light smack on the arm.

"Come _on…_ People still say that." But Jay's smiling, his nose turning red with the cold air.

They arrive at the public bus stop that's usually bursting with students going home, and yet it feels ghostly empty just an hour later. Not that Jay's complaining, they can actually claim the small bench for themselves for once. Too bad the metal bars sear icy chills into Jay's thighs.

Teeth chattering, Jay pulls his orange scarf higher up to cover his mouth and nose. "Good thing I'm not an orange ninja, otherwise I might be suspicious like this." He turns to showcase his look to Cole.

Cole rolls his eyes, "Says the one wearing the same shade of blue as his ninja counterpart every day."

"Touché," Jay decides.

The both of them sit in a comfortable silence - save for the occasional teeth chatter from Jay who's still cold. Cole has out his phone, one earbud popped in his ear, the other dangling down against his chest. He's fiddling with his pop socket to keep busy. Something's still bugging him.

"Hey… Jay…?" He cautiously starts.

"Hmm?" Jay hums in response, ready for Cole to continue. But when he doesn't, curious sapphires turn his way. "Yeah, what's up?"

' _Well, it's now or never,'_ Cole thinks before finally speaking up. "About what Kai said earlier…"

"Oh." Jay's shoulders visibly deflate and he seems to shrink into himself. "Y-yeah…? What about it?"

They can both feel each other's discomfort with the topic, and yet Cole needs answers. "Do people still bug you? About… About all that…?"

Jay sucks in a sharp breath and Cole trails off, expecting him to answer. But Jay takes his time, slowly exhaling, his breath curling up into the air. His fingers nervously fiddle with the frayed edges of his jacket.

Cole knew what people would commonly attack Jay with. He's been there since the beginning.

" _He still likes Fritz Donnegan comic books, what a child."_

" _Did you know he lives in a junkyard?"_

" _I don't think he's a real boy. He's…you know… Trans…"_

"Well… The thing is…" Jay grapples to find the right words, glaring up at the roof of the bus stop, as if it were at fault. "They… Wait until you're gone. I mean… You've gotten suspended for me. They know you're trouble."

Cole fists his hand. He remembered how satisfying it was to sock that transphobic prick. He was just glad they got suspended too. Still, he looks back to Jay. "Do people keep bothering you?"

Jay shrugs, keeping his answer vague. "Sometimes…" He's almost shy to tell Cole the full truth. For why he's _shy_ to tell his _best friend_ feels weird in of itself. He decides not to dwell on that too much.

' _Sort of how you refuse to dwell on those butterflies in your stomach when you're with him?'_

Jay ignores that too.

"That doesn't sound all too convincing, Jay," Cole admits flat out.

Jay sighs, rubbing his icy hands together. "Well, I tried."

"No, really," Cole turns to face Jay. "Tell us if anyone pulls anything on you. Nya and I can definitely take care of it. We'll stand up for you, yeah? Give you some of that much needed confidence to be able to do it yourself too."

Jay chews on the inside of his cheek, considering the proposal. As long as Cole doesn't do anything to get himself in trouble again… Plus Nya and Cole _could_ always boost Jay up when his anxiety dragged him down. The way they could channel their strength, the way they always seemed to be able to do the best for others… It was an inspiration to Jay, really.

"Sure," Jay decides on. "It's not such a bad idea." There. He's not committing to anything, but he's leaving that door open just in case. "Thanks."

"No problem, Jaybird." It's just a silly nickname but Jay's heart stutters regardless.

Together they fall back into a comfortable silence, the only sound being the faint music playing from Cole's earbud. But when Cole notices Jay still shivering, he speaks up again. "Are you cold?"

Jay sends him an incredulous look of _'yeah, no kidding,'_ before he blows onto his hands. "Freezing."

Without saying a word, Cole extends his hands out. Jay stares at them for a moment before looking back to his face. "Give me your hands," Cole explains when Jay doesn't act.

Brow furrowing, Jay does just that. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up when his chilled skin touches the warmth of Cole's. Eyes glued to their hands, Cole pulls Jay's forward and into his pockets.

The fleece on the inside feels amazing compared to the thin cotton of Jay's jacket. A soft hum escapes his lips and sapphires slip shut.

Relishing in the warmth, Jay doesn't realize just how close they're sitting, his knee touching Cole's leg. Until they hear the rumble of the bus nearing and Jay opens his eyes again, finding his face mere inches from Cole's.

Jay gives out a startled yelp and pulls away from Cole, nearly falling off the bench with his force.

The bus comes to a stop and Cold grabs onto Jay's arm to keep him from kissing the concrete. "Whoa, whoa… You okay?"

Jay is _not_ cold anymore, feeling the heat creep up his neck and invade his ears. He's sure his cheeks are a bright red. "Y-yeah, sorry… The uh… The bus gave me a scare. Didn't realize it was almost there. Haha."

He does not sound convincing at all, and even the bus driver who's opened the door and is staring at them knows it.

"Right…" Cole replies, unbelievingly.

They both look down at Cole's hand still on Jay's arm and the two break apart like two electrons.

Apparently it's too painful to watch any longer and the bus driver clears his throat. "You getting on?"

"O-oh! Yes, sorry!" Jay whips around to face him, apologizing. He pulls out his bus card and clambers up the steps and scans it.

He hears the beep from Cole doing the same and the two easily find a pair of seats on the nearly barren bus, save for the elderly woman with her hands poised on her cane sitting in the far back.

They decide on seats a few rows away from the driver and Jay piles in against the window. The rhythmic rumble of the bus starts as it takes off down the street. Getting comfortable for the lengthy ride, Jay hugs his backpack to try and preserve his body heat. Opening the front pouch, he fishes out his phone and tries the power button to awaken it. Of course, he's met with black screen.

With a groan, he grabs his charging cable. Checking over his shoulder, he sees the elderly women dozing off, and peeking forward he finds the bus driver focused on the road. So he continues to plug in his phone and grips the power prongs. Biting his lip, he exerts a small dose of voltage and watches as his phone screen lights up.

He hears Cole snort next to him. When he glances over at him, he finds Cole watching him. "What?" Jay huffs a laugh.

"Cheater," Cole mutters under a chuckle.

Jay cheekily grins back at him. "I call it clever, thank you very much. Too bad I can't do anything about my broken earbuds, though."

At that comment, Cole picks up his spare earbud, dangling it in front of Jay. "All you had to do was ask, Sparky."

Sapphires blink at it for only a wavering moment before his snarky smile turns genuine. "Hah. Thanks." He accepts it, slipping it into his ear.

They don't talk for the rest of the ride and Jay's heavy eyelids tempt him with slumber. He was exhausted, to put it bluntly. He could feel the vertigo from staying up so late constantly and the anxiety over his essay in English. The throb of his bruised ribs didn't help either.

And Jay just couldn't fight it anymore when he drops his head to rest on Cole's shoulder. He feels Cole tense for a moment and his heart skips a beat - was Cole uncomfortable about him doing this? Would he say something, push Jay off? Would he-

A weight settles across Jay's shoulders and it's his turn to tense. Oh. It's Cole's arm.

Neither of them say anything about it. _'We're both just tired,'_ Jay reasons with himself. Cole's not going to call out their position… So neither will Jay. A part of him can relax at that realization.

Who knows how long it's been, but Cole does as always and reaches up to pull on the cable, the familiar chime emitting and the driver glances into the rear-view mirror before he rolls his shoulders (he must be tired too, Jay thinks absentmindedly) and he angles the bus towards the stop coming up.

Systematically, Cole and Jay are gathering themselves together and preparing to exit the bus. Cole is clutching onto the bar, Jay shuffling into his seat.

And Jay makes the mistake of glancing up at his best friend behind his messy bangs. He blinks, studying those focused, jade eyes trained on their destination ahead. The way shaggy, black hair somehow comes across as put together and as bedhead at the same time. He subconsciously notes how long it's getting, and that he'll probably be getting a haircut soon. By just admiring - _observing_ , Jay meant - Cole's build could tell you he wasn't someone you'd want to be catching fists with. No wonder people left him alone at school. Those poor, unsuspecting robbers when it was Cole's turn to patrol. It was almost unfair how attractive Cole was. Heck, not even these ugly, fluorescent bus lights could make him look bad.

' _Oooookaaay…'_ Jay diverts his eyes to the side, sapphires frantically dancing from the floor, to the bus driver, to the seat in front of him. He presses a hand against his burning cheek to attempt to cool his face down. This was going too far. And Jay was going to blame being tired and pretend his mind never went here.

The bus jolts Jay back to reality when it comes to a halt and Cole glances down at Jay. "Ready?" he calls out, and Jay numbly nods, stumbling as he gets to his feet and follows Cole off the bus.

They stay a moment, watching the bus take off, completing his loop and heading back for the city. Jay exhales, his breath curling up into the misty night air. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he walks alongside Cole down the sidewalk and past the generic suburban homes.

Cole's house was on the cusp of suburbia and rural, at the end of the street and a farm field to the right. He pushes open the garden gate and stalls a moment, turning back to face Jay.

"So I'll see you tomorrow evening for patrol?" Cole asks and Jay shoots him a smile, nodding.

"Five o'clock, on the roof of Bucky's Pizza. Meet'cha there," Jay double checks and swivels on his heels heading down the street.

Jay barely gets three feet away when the little voice in Cole's head makes him speak up again. "H-hey, Jay!"

"Yeah?" Jay glances back to Cole, those cheerful sapphires temporarily stunning him.

He ignores the stammer of his heartbeat. "Just, um… Get, get home safe."

Jay laughs, rolling his eyes. "Will do, Boulder Brain." A small salute and he's off again, the jingle jangle of all his charms and keychains on his backpack echoing in the otherwise deathly silent night.

Cole watches Jay's form until he hears the front door open, his dad calling him inside for dinner. So he goes in, well aware Jay still has another ten minute walk until he's home. It's nights like these he almost offers Jay to stay the night at his house, save him that last part of his trek in the cold.

But he doesn’t. He knows Jay would bring up the fact that his parents were expecting him, or that dinner was already prepared for him when he’d get home. So he bites his tongue and doesn’t dare say how nice it’d be to wake up next to Jay, sharing his bed since the guest room was occupied with his father’s paperwork.

It’s when Cole’s about to head to bed, plugging in his phone, does he gets a text from Jay.

**_made it home, silly_ **

**_nice to know. gn jaybird_ **

**_haha gn_ **

He goes to bed wondering if Jay knew how earnest his response really was.


End file.
